DabbleDoodle

to be continued~ ^^,

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

...surprisingly so... my morning started out fine...

Seith Angel, Dale's third persona, made his introduction to me just minutes ago...

the instant he greeted me, i knew he was neither dale nor hollywood... but i'm getting ahead of myself here... let me tell you their story... atleast what i saw of it and what they shared with me...

i must have met hollywood first, i'm not quite sure... we met at poet's haven the chatroom extension of Word4Word, a msn group to which me and hollywood belong to...

we decided on making ourselves one of the msn contacts of the other... and so our friendship begins...

the changes in the manner dale would chat with me werent really subtle... he later told me that he has two personas... dale and hollywood...

dale the student, the meek, mild and shy friend... the one who is sometimes taken advantage of... the one who constantly hurts... and hollywood_dreams or otherwise known as hollywood... the musician... the vocalist... the one that is embraced by the crowd... the one who craves for its attention...

anyway... i dont quite have a number of how long or how often we lock ourselves in conversations in just about anything we could think of... but if i'm to tell you one thing that i got out if it is that... dale and hollywood both did me good... they both helped me out of my suicidal states... they both listened to me when no one would.... and they both didnt break when i shared what was on my mind...

anyway...

i've grown accustomed to dale and hollywood's exchanges... i've learned to distinguish one from the other... and i've grown to love both of them from the pits of my confused and complicated cold and dark heart... and i wasn't really ashamed of telling both of them that...

recently though, dale has been experiencing multiple attacks to the mind and the heart by the people he cared for and respected... the situation was so grave that hollywood was forced to work things around for three whole days...

dale never told me much about what was bothering him... he would start to open up to me on his own accord... but then again... he would suddenly withdrew as if i burnt him... i told him he was running and he agreed...

in those three days of dale's abscence hollywood tried his best to brief me about what happened... he told me things i dare not mention in this entry for it is dale's personal life afterall...

the following day... dale has already snapped back from his sleep and asked me what he missed... to me, he seemed more tired than ever...

i think that was the last conversation i had with either of those two... i think that happened sometime last week...

and today i decided to log on... and to my surprise... the person who said hello to me wasnt dale but he wasnt hollywood either... but i just shook it off and thought it was just dale in under a dark cloud... but i felt uncomfortable at what he said to me...

"i've started telling the truth and showing the real me a obsessive dick with too much baggage and recapturing the great moment of self destruction and i've also got help in doing this returing me to the true poet i am"

for a moment my mind reeled into a total stop and cursed... i asked him who he was and told me, "i know not who i am but i know what i'm doing saving my self from the impossed blindness"

i asked for dale and hollywood and he told me hollywood was asleep and that he was dale only he has a goal in mind now... but i pressed on the issue and asked him again for who he was...

"lol i am what happens when all hope is lost and a broken child is born know not who i am but know i am dale may not be myself at the moment i'm like the closest thing to the anti hollywood densei what ever you call it but i do feel dales pain and i do know of his fears and downfalls." that's what he said when i presented to him that he knows the he is not one of the two people i have grown used to...

after which he asked me if dale ever tell me he was three people, the actor, the poet and they musician... i told him dale didnt, but i did gather as much...

even up to this point he didnt tell me what his name was... so i told him that he was the broken angel... the wounded child...

as if to give me a proof of his individuality, he gave me a copy of his poem... a three-page work of magnificence and pure emotion...

that's when we started to talk about things connected to dale... to his happiness and to his pain...

but i think it was at this time when shaun, dale's "friend" went online and gave me his little warning:

Shaun ("Shut your mouth, or i'll show you a good use of masking tape" - Dale to myself) says:
hello a word of warning
scarlet_bliss says:
ah...
Shaun ("Shut your mouth, or i'll show you a good use of masking tape" - Dale to myself) says:
there something go on with dale he's becoming a different person almost the same person i once was
scarlet_bliss says:
...i know that much...
scarlet_bliss says:
i'm not perpetually dense and stupid you know...
scarlet_bliss says:
and what is it to you?
scarlet_bliss says:
why are you telling me these things?
scarlet_bliss says:
we never had a friendship to begin with...
scarlet_bliss says:
do you seriously want me to believe you're doing this to "warn" me coz you care?
Shaun ("Shut your mouth, or i'll show you a good use of masking tape" - Dale to myself) says:
hwy i'm helping you he's been saying alot of bad shit at the moment
scarlet_bliss says:
we are two different persons shaun...
scarlet_bliss says:
and i could honestly say, and i mean this not in an arrogant way, that i know dale and hollywood more than you do
scarlet_bliss says:
or dale in general
Shaun ("Shut your mouth, or i'll show you a good use of masking tape" - Dale to myself) says:
all i want is someone to talk sense in to him, he knocked on my door told me to shut my mouth or he will shut it spat down in front of me and then walked off and had a strange kiss with some girl i think she's messing with him
scarlet_bliss says:
which girl are you referring to
Shaun ("Shut your mouth, or i'll show you a good use of masking tape" - Dale to myself) says:
no idea some gothic girl
scarlet_bliss says:
i see...
scarlet_bliss says:
but you know...
scarlet_bliss says:
i never did like what you did to dale...
scarlet_bliss says:
i would have also told you to shut up if i knew i had the right...
Shaun ("Shut your mouth, or i'll show you a good use of masking tape" - Dale to myself) says:
hey i'm sorry but i was an idoit but the guy needs help know i dont care if he hates me it's him not me this is about
scarlet_bliss says:
but it hurts doesnt it?
scarlet_bliss says:
you have an inkling of how much damage you've done on dale...
scarlet_bliss says:
and this is the result
Shaun ("Shut your mouth, or i'll show you a good use of masking tape" - Dale to myself) says:
i know sorry
scarlet_bliss says:
no you're not

The following message could not be delivered to all recipients:
no you're not


***sigh***

the whole conversation with shaun struck a nerve inside me... i can't possibly tell you what transpired between shaun and dale for that is one unpleasant story that brought dale pain and crap he didnt really need from what he believes to be his friend...

anyway... i was debating on wether or not i should tell seith about this... but he already shared that he was the one who told dale's enemies to leave...

i told him i was aware of it thanks to shaun's warning... that i was grateful for not being able to know how to be angry... or else i would have gone over and slit shaun's throat...

*dear reader/s... you have no idea how pretentious and pathetic i saw shaun's conversation was... he never really did message me much after the first few times that we did...*

and seith gave me the most unexpected reply, "lol hey human life is worth something hollywood would disembowel him giving the chance but he's human they make mistakes but the memories are to hard for dale, thats why he must leave dale"

the shaun thing carried out for a moment... when i found him asking me if i wanted to talk to dale... that he could go and wake him up for me...

i told him not to go yet... atleast... not without telling me his name...

he told me to call him...

Seith Angel

i thought it was such a fitting name for him... and told him, "it suites you... and i must admit... it made my melancholic heart smile..."

and then he excused himself for he was tired... asked me to wait for two minutes and dale would take his place...

and sure enough... dale found himself infront of the computer... asked me about that happened... and i told him i met Seith Angel, his third person... he said he liked the name... and that he was tired, much to his surprise... he also mentioned something about why he had pink lipstick on his cheek but i guess he was too tired to wait for my explanation for that one... i sent him the conversation that transpired between me and shaun and left him to sleep...

i'm happy because... dale resonated this happy aura in his words... he didnt sound so depressed...

he finally found his balance...

and i'm happy for him...

i seriously think this will actually work for him...

and if it doesnt... well... he's got more people to back him up... he doesnt really have a reason to feel alone and empty anymore...

i'm happy for you dale, hollywood_dreams and seith angel...

and i love all three of you...

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