i'm not feeling so genki... actually i feel sick and heavy and shit... i guess that's how one would end up feeling when he/she is anxious and has a lot on his/her mind...

i've tried shrugging it off... and gave myself a deadline... it's just plain comical how stupid i would see myself if i ended up in deep, deep shit...

moving on...

how many times must i subject myself to the negativity brought about by people who shouldn't be feeding me shit??? and every single time i always fine myself listening to people telling me to keep calm and to just let it go since i'm older and that i know better...

for a time it was good... i mean... i was cool and let it go... it's just now that i started minding it because i've started to feel shitty and cheated...

it didnt seem fair that i always have to move back in order to let them through when they've been abusive, annoyingly dense and so very much like a bratty prima donna...

i dont want to keep on making excuses for them so i wouldn't feel negative towards them... i dont want to have to force myself to see and understand why they're like that...

i'm just plain tired of it all...

it's not fair that they get away with things just like that...

it's not fair that i would always have to let their shit pass...

it's not fair that they dont get beaten up to full consciousness...

it's not fair that i have to stay stuck with them...

and

it's not fair that they're my so-called friend and relative...

they make me feel real tired and at the same time want to lash out at them and kill them on the spot... delete them for the errors that they are... but then again... they're not computer viruses to be deleted and useless pieces of shit to actually kill... they're still human despite...

wishfull thinking would tell you and me that since the world is in a constant state of change maybe they'll change along with it...

but if the trouble cases are considered and branded hopeless... tell me... how do i handle that?