midnight interlude

i was born in a world where everything moved as much as it stayed still... i would always find myself surrounded by a group of people hurrying past me... i try to catch up with them... but as soon as i am instep with the group they start walking towards another direction... leaving me behind...

i stop to think... to calm myself down... to breathe... as the world blurs in front of me...

i sit down and watch humanity pass me by... exhausted beyond belief... wanting to give up and just sleep...

i stand up once again to try my luck in being one with them... to make a good number of people proud of me... i masked my negativity with a smile and put a foot in front of me... i struggled to keep up... i succeeded and i managed to keep it that way for quite awhile... i found comfort in being synchronized with the rest... my life settled around me in a routine... i wake and i walk and i sleep and i wake once more...

but the moment i silently willed not to happen has come...

i dreamed of warm, comforting and seeking eyes of deep brown... time stopped as i lost myself in those chocolate pools... i felt the life i have tried so hard to maintain fall apart around me... i moved to catch a falling piece and put it back where it broke off only to be stopped by those intent eyes that seemed to say "...hush and stay..."

i loose myself in those eyes once more and i succumbed to a deep sleep... i woke up with darkness still painted across the sky...

...i woke up alone...

i left my bed and went to stand beside the open window...

outside, the world glowed with a different kind of life... with a different feel... with another taste and sound...

an alien song makes itself known to me... sad... full of regret... hope... love...

it made me ache... it turned the gentle beating in my chest into a throbbing pain... it made me aware of how empty i felt... it opened my eyes to the yearning that i've always had but repressed...

i stayed watching the world outside my window come to life and die as the sun rose... i failed to follow the pattern i have structured for myself...

the sun was up high and i was still by my window... observing... feeling even more drained as i shed tears as the realization that i have been living a hollow life all this time hit me over and over...

the day was dying out when i felt someone looking at me... i tore my eyes away from the view outside to turn towards the one staring at me...

my jaded eyes caught coffee-colored eyes... the man approached me and stood on the other side of the window and looked outside... i watched him drink in the sight of the city presented to him... i was engraving his face to memory when i heard someone softly singing a wonderfully sorrowed song... it was him... he was serenading the dying sun and the rising moon... i reached out to touch his face to see if he was real... he caught my hand and locked my gaze with his...

"why did you stop living?" he asked...

i looked at him, confused... but then i began to understand... i raked my brain for an answer as to why i didn't pursue my lifestyle anymore... i have come up with a thousand replies to that one question... but i couldnt put them into words... so i hung my head low and looked away...

"why? isn't it what you have always wanted? conformity and acceptance? why did you look away from your life?" he pressed as he gently touched my cheek...

"because i wasn't living at all..." i whispered... "it was... it was just dying slowly... bit by bit... day after day..."

"what is it that you want then? why did you call me to you?"

"i want-... i need you to take me away from here and save me from dying..." i said as tears began to stream down the sides of my face...

i look up at him and saw pain dance in his eyes and uncertainty wash his face... silence fell over us like a blanket and then he spoke softly...

"what gave you the idea that i have that kind of capability? where can i possibly take you to live?" he kneeled in front of me and held my arms in his hands...

"what can i possibly do to give you salvation when i myself is in dire need of it...?"

i felt the tears cease as it was replaced by a wave of disbelief, hurt and betrayal...

"why did you come to me then?"

he shook his head and pulled me in a tight embrace and shared,

"because it was the only thing that i could do that felt right..."

he pulled back a little and told me with a kiss...

"i'm sorry..."

*******

i have no other explanation aside from it was how i felt like letting out some of the issues/feelings that have been left to accumulate dust in the attic... it had to be done through a story...

i'm sorry...