pain, regret, insecurities and such...
most of the people around me come to me to let go of their emotional baggage...
i try to be accommodating most of the time... and when i do listen... i'm subject to feel a whole bunch of things...
if things go well... and i feel secure and stable i don't feel much aside from that feeling of wanting to comfort that person or help him/her work his/her problems out...
but there are times when i am not secure and stable and i couldnt stop those people to who open up to me from doing so... after they let out the crud that has been weighing them down... i feel worse... it's either the past unwanted emotions that i've burried or swallowed has come back to make me relive the god awfull moments of whatever or those feelings give birth to new ones that causes me to become irrational and depressed and timid...
yesterday... at around 6pm... i was with my cousin, ate lady, in robinson's place... we we're walking towards the drugstore when she broke the silence resting between us by saying she was feeling sad... i havent even finished thinking of how to ask her why she was unhappy when she explained her situation...
i can't disclose that here... the only people who know about it are her friends and myself... and ten-chan...
i felt heavy after listening to her... even if the choir concert that i went to see was great it only served as a temporary reprieve of that load on my chest...
i had ten-chan call me because i wasn't feeling well... i wasn't thinking well anymore... he indulged me as he often does and allowed me to talk about it...
all of the feelings ate lady was feeling... hurt, fear, regret, longing, discomfort to name a few... made me insecure of my relationship with ten-chan... doubt filled my head in 3 seconds flat... i shared all of this with ten-chan by asking him if he's going to let me end up like ate lady...
that kind of talk irritates the fuck out of him... that's why his voice was more stern and a tad bit louder when he told me that that wasn't going to happen to me... that he wasn't going to do anything harsh... that he wasn't going to hurt me basically...
...
... I HATE YOU, YOU DELUSIONAL BASTARD!!! i hate your sorry pathetic ass! i hate you for choosing to be ignorant and dense when you can be otherwise... i hate you for making me feel this way, you stupid piece of shit! i hate you for screwing things up! I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but i guess... i should be thanking you as well... because it is through you and you're acts of utmost "wisdom and enlightenment" that i have come to appreciate and love ten-chan more...
most of the people around me come to me to let go of their emotional baggage...
i try to be accommodating most of the time... and when i do listen... i'm subject to feel a whole bunch of things...
if things go well... and i feel secure and stable i don't feel much aside from that feeling of wanting to comfort that person or help him/her work his/her problems out...
but there are times when i am not secure and stable and i couldnt stop those people to who open up to me from doing so... after they let out the crud that has been weighing them down... i feel worse... it's either the past unwanted emotions that i've burried or swallowed has come back to make me relive the god awfull moments of whatever or those feelings give birth to new ones that causes me to become irrational and depressed and timid...
yesterday... at around 6pm... i was with my cousin, ate lady, in robinson's place... we we're walking towards the drugstore when she broke the silence resting between us by saying she was feeling sad... i havent even finished thinking of how to ask her why she was unhappy when she explained her situation...
i can't disclose that here... the only people who know about it are her friends and myself... and ten-chan...
i felt heavy after listening to her... even if the choir concert that i went to see was great it only served as a temporary reprieve of that load on my chest...
i had ten-chan call me because i wasn't feeling well... i wasn't thinking well anymore... he indulged me as he often does and allowed me to talk about it...
all of the feelings ate lady was feeling... hurt, fear, regret, longing, discomfort to name a few... made me insecure of my relationship with ten-chan... doubt filled my head in 3 seconds flat... i shared all of this with ten-chan by asking him if he's going to let me end up like ate lady...
that kind of talk irritates the fuck out of him... that's why his voice was more stern and a tad bit louder when he told me that that wasn't going to happen to me... that he wasn't going to do anything harsh... that he wasn't going to hurt me basically...
...
... I HATE YOU, YOU DELUSIONAL BASTARD!!! i hate your sorry pathetic ass! i hate you for choosing to be ignorant and dense when you can be otherwise... i hate you for making me feel this way, you stupid piece of shit! i hate you for screwing things up! I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but i guess... i should be thanking you as well... because it is through you and you're acts of utmost "wisdom and enlightenment" that i have come to appreciate and love ten-chan more...
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