i dislike tears as much as i like it on other people and on its own... i hate having to cry when i get emotionally hurt... but what i loathe the most is having people see my tears... especially if they caused them...

i want my wonderful apathetic self back... i dont want to feel as often anymore... and i dont want to care as much...

god... id bleed for one person right now if i could ... but i can't cut anymore... tenchan would kill me if i do... i dont know if bleeding for another would make things better... but i can't think of anything else... it feels like the right thing to do...

...yeah i think letting out at this very moment is a good thing... you can talk shit all you want... but you're dead to me anyway... i dont have to listen to anyone who claims to be my friend or a concerned person preach about how UNFAIR hurting myself is...

i'm confused as hell... and giving me lectures and showering me with faux care IS NOT HELPING ME!!! telling me "aww... it's okay..." is not what i need...

promise to walk away from me in the middle of talking/ranting if you're just going to tell me things that hell knows would not help anyone...

i would only live and feel for one person... and even though i said i wouldnt care as much... if you approach me and you need me to listen i would...