it really sucks to have the truth about yourself be exposed to you no less than a hard bitchslap on the face...

and it also sucks to acknowledge some things/people that irritate you so... that hurt you... that you just wanna box out of hatred and anger but never do anything about it...

right now, i think ten-chan's very much disappointed in me... i recognize my problems... i have clearly pointed out those i have issues with... but i never do anything about it... he says he wants to help me *and he is* but i have to learn to help myself... i guess i dont help myself much... or i actually dont help myself at all...

i'm sick of having to be the responsible one... of being the one who has to be the one who's always ready to comfort those who had a crappy day... of being the "mature" one because i'm the oldest... of always being kept at the back of the shelf only to be taken out during the time of desperation... of being the patient one because i'm older... of having to be the "wise one" because i am older...

i'm bloody sick and tired of being the relatively silent shock absorber...

i need therapy... and i would actually welcome prescriptions to meds that say that they could calm me and keep me sane when we all know that they just make things worse...

i'm disliking this whole anger child thing because i cant let it out and the littlest of things morph me into a very very very pissed off and violent person... the wooden posts of my bed have suffered most of my wrath... there goes my least favorite cutter...

... one last thing...

shut the fuck up...

BLOGGER