when the shit hit the fan, the aftermath

Here I am once again, standing, looking, contemplating on the half truths, whole lies and facts before me.

Once again, I find myself betrayed, cheated and lied to by the humanity I’m supposed to be a part of.

Once more, I find myself losing faith and confidence in the people, the acquaintances that surround me.

Now, I have more reason to believe, to know that nothing is as it seems. That people will lie through their teeth. That people will delude themselves into thinking that they aren’t wrong when the opposite is as burning as an imploding celestial body.

Where is the justice in all of this? Has this series of not quite unfortunate but somehow unbelievable events done any good to anyone? Am I supposed to find a lesson, a moral, an idea or a thought in this?

The truth?

I am more lost than ever. We all stood up to fight for what we all thought was right. Yet, just like in every battle waged in the days of old, casualties are accounted for. The casualties being everyone closely involved and anyone who was remotely related to everyone else.

Do I think what I did was right? Do I believe I wasn’t in the wrong?

Yes.

But I implore that I be asked of my feelings on the outcome, on how I feel about reaching a half victory in this war.

Even if someone cared to ask, I fear that this very second, I may not have a clear-cut answer.

The factors, the variables that came and come into play are massive, seemingly random yet controlled, probable but taxing to predict.

I know that the stand I took was right. I believed in it and I acted on it. But somehow, it made me feel empty and distantly unsettled. Is this the price of putting yourself out there for what you believe in?

Human nature never fails to put my cognitive capabilities to the test.

But logic and rational thought is greater than raw emotions. Logic dictates that everybody ought to lie in the beds that they made. I know for a fact that nothing was done with malice on my part and I’m good with that.

I’ve taken what I can from this experience. I’ve learned from my mistakes. If other people fail to play nice simply because they can’t be nice or if they just can’t seem to get their minds wrapped around professionalism, maturity and civility well then, too bad, so sad.