i was browsing through various sites and my photo collection for a picture of a hallway for my next deviation when i saw pictures of me in STC... something clicked in my head and that's when i started to look for pictures of stc corridors and walkways...

my first plan of action was to look at STC's website.

*huff* it really didn't take that long to load... and now i wish the site failed to load...

the bloody website SUCKS!!! here's a little proof...

you can either go to STC's website or click here to look at a bigger and clearer screenshot of stc's site

at the bottom it says "Site development and maintenance by PNSL." i'm not a big fan of stc but i am offended by the mediocre site that PNSL dude came up with... i mean... my last year in stc me and the other advance computer elective students made 6 models for stc's website... NONE OF THEM LOOKS LIKE STC'S CURRENT WEBSITE!!! and i'm guessing that the bloody toad used the information and pictures that we gathered ourselves for our site projects to make this pathetic piece of crap...

i wanna kill that PNSL shithead... i hate him...

*sigh*

beeep... beep... beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

tsumaranaaai... i'm bored... gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

oooh... mom's planning on taking me to see the an optometrist this saturday... yeaaaaaaaah!!! I'M FINALLY GETTING CONTACTS!!! i want red ones :D

quizzies

BootsWhat kind of shoe are you?

XD i do love/adore/like boots... *sigh*

Kinky
Ok, accept it...your a freak!! You enojy good sex. You like getting whipped and seeing your partner...or just anyone you f*ck struggle to get out of their handcuffs.
What kind of sex do you like?

lol... :D he-he-he

freedom
You are freedom. You would want to go skydiving. You love riding or flying. Your dream to be free.
What word you are?

euh... riiight...

Unreadable!

What Type Of Bitch Are You?

:P ain't that the truth... :P

Evil Poke Opportunity

What would your band be named

evil poke opportunity? i think me and my "bandmembers" can think up of a better name than... that...

SAKURA!

Alright! You're one of the best songs out there. Your overall personality rocks everyone Including yo mama! Which DDR song are you?
...cool... i don't play ddr that much though...

i'm going to skip the whole... my rizal prof sucks... and just go to bed...

the confusion is over

i was blog hopping and one of the stops that i made was creole-sama's blog... she did a quiz thingy so i figure maybe i should take it too... i mean... it's 7:32 in the morning and i seriously don't have much to do...

here's the result

You Are a Snarky Blogger!

You've got a razor sharp wit that bloggers are secretly scared of. And that's why they read your posts as often as they can!

What kind of blogger are you?

lol... we got the same result...

i'm liking the nice piccie though... heehee

oh yeah...

good news from the family head dude guy...

HE AGREED TO BUY ME A BLOODY LIGHTPEN/PENTAB/TABLETPEN/PENTABLET/TABLET AND PEN or whatever you might want to call it!!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

shit... i'm feeling an insane rush right about now... >.< WACOM's Intous series *swoon*... i know what i want! i want the bloody Intous 3 pen and tablet thingy!!! :P checkout the linkages for more info... heehee... the intous series prices range from $199 to $749.95... the price goes up as you go for the latest model and for the bigger tablet...

i want the latest model which is the intous 3... it's tablet is available in three different sizes... 4x5, 6x8 and 9x12... prices are $ 219.95, $ 329.95 and $ 449.95... an intous 3 package contains: an Intuos3 Grip Pen, Intuos3 Five-button Mouse, Intuos3 Tablet with one set of ExpressKeys and one Touch Strip, Corel Painter Essentials 2, Adobe Photoshop Elements 2, and nik Color Efex Pro 2 IE. AND a Limited Lifetime warranty.

fuuu... i would really like to have a 9x12 tablet... but it's too expensive i think... gweh... i sure hope pops buys any of those three for meh... :P

why all this fuss over a pentab?

@.@ i'm ranting about it because it's one of the four items in my checklist of signs that would tell me if i would have a flat/apartment of my own after college...

*shrug* yeah sure... getting a lightpen, a notebook, a digital camera and a new mobile phone unit doesn't really ensure my acquisition of the "independence" *gags at the name* pad/flat/unit... bleah... but stiiiiiiill!!! :P

mmm... oh yeah... i've decided that it wouldn't be too wise to share a residential unit with kuya gino... -.-;; gomen ne gino-nii-chan... @.@ but i figured that if we went through with that plan it would be total chaos... however! if my roomie is a tad bit of an OC, a playstation junkie, a fruitmagic advocate, a pc-internet-downloads expert of sorts, a text addict and an insanely good cuddler i wouldnt mind rooming with him at all....

i went ahead and allowed myself to answer other blog quizzes...

You are 80% Pisces

mmm... i guess that's true...

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

You are "Face with Glasses"

that's cute...
What Japanese Smiley Are You?

You Are Scary

You even scare scary people sometimes!

i am? i do?
How scary are you?

You Are From Venus

You love all forms of beauty. You love dressing up and anything luxurious. A social butterfly, you're incredibly popular and a great host. You're known for your fairness and affection. And as a frind to all. Careful though! You're desire to please may make you too willing to conform. Be yourself. Focus on what matters to you. You'll be all the more popular for it.

i think i ran out of fun things to answer...
What Planet Are You From?

You Are the Individualist

4 You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself. You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable. You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt. Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel.

what can i say? i'm really really bored...

What number are you?

You Are a "Don't Tread On Me" Libertarian

You distrust the government, are fiercely independent, and don't belong in either party. Religion and politics should never mix, in your opinion... and you feel opressed by both. You don't want the government to cramp your self made style. Or anyone else's for that matter. You're proud to say that you're pro-choice on absolutely everything!

a good bit of that is true...
What political persuasion are you?

nothing is perfect...

absolutely nothing is perfect...

the world knows this... it was created... it came about imperfect... you and i know this... we were all born with flaws...

so why talk about it?

because nothing is perfect...

relationships... people... things... people you love aren't perfect...

would life be better if all of the things that matter were perfect?

would perfection make a difference in this world?

love is not perfect... because it is something imperfect humans feel... because we are not god... because god made it that way... because god is the only one...

should i hate god?

i dont know...

but i dont hate him...

but how can a perfect god create things that are imperfect?

does all of the imperfections in this world amuse him?

how about the devil?

is he perfect like god? or is he imperfect like all of us...?

perfect or not... i dont hate him either... but that doesn't mean i love him...

who do i love?

noone? someone? everyone?

who do i not love?

noone? someone? everyone?

why?

why do i miss him?

is it wrong?

i love him...

is it wrong?

do you object?

why?

do you hate me?

i dont...

i dont even know you...

and i bet your ass that you dont know me aswell...

isn't that fun?

yes... no...

will you stop?

will this ever stop?

when will i stop?

aren't you tired?

i am... very much so...

does that bother you?

too bad...

i can't... i don't want to do anything about it...

i hate you...

do i really?

maybe...

i hate you...

maybe not...

do i love you?

i doubt it...

who do i love?

only those i love knows...

what do you know?

i don't know much...

that's because i'm dumb...

i fell off the stairs three times when i was younger...

life was better when i was young...

it really is no better now...

pain, regret, insecurities and such...

most of the people around me come to me to let go of their emotional baggage...

i try to be accommodating most of the time... and when i do listen... i'm subject to feel a whole bunch of things...

if things go well... and i feel secure and stable i don't feel much aside from that feeling of wanting to comfort that person or help him/her work his/her problems out...

but there are times when i am not secure and stable and i couldnt stop those people to who open up to me from doing so... after they let out the crud that has been weighing them down... i feel worse... it's either the past unwanted emotions that i've burried or swallowed has come back to make me relive the god awfull moments of whatever or those feelings give birth to new ones that causes me to become irrational and depressed and timid...

yesterday... at around 6pm... i was with my cousin, ate lady, in robinson's place... we we're walking towards the drugstore when she broke the silence resting between us by saying she was feeling sad... i havent even finished thinking of how to ask her why she was unhappy when she explained her situation...

i can't disclose that here... the only people who know about it are her friends and myself... and ten-chan...

i felt heavy after listening to her... even if the choir concert that i went to see was great it only served as a temporary reprieve of that load on my chest...

i had ten-chan call me because i wasn't feeling well... i wasn't thinking well anymore... he indulged me as he often does and allowed me to talk about it...

all of the feelings ate lady was feeling... hurt, fear, regret, longing, discomfort to name a few... made me insecure of my relationship with ten-chan... doubt filled my head in 3 seconds flat... i shared all of this with ten-chan by asking him if he's going to let me end up like ate lady...

that kind of talk irritates the fuck out of him... that's why his voice was more stern and a tad bit louder when he told me that that wasn't going to happen to me... that he wasn't going to do anything harsh... that he wasn't going to hurt me basically...

...

... I HATE YOU, YOU DELUSIONAL BASTARD!!! i hate your sorry pathetic ass! i hate you for choosing to be ignorant and dense when you can be otherwise... i hate you for making me feel this way, you stupid piece of shit! i hate you for screwing things up! I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but i guess... i should be thanking you as well... because it is through you and you're acts of utmost "wisdom and enlightenment" that i have come to appreciate and love ten-chan more...

...when the strong gets tired and the weak decides to --...

what becomes of a person when the time of depression has ended?

will he pull himself together and rise? or will he gnaw on the cold hard floor digging a deeper grave for his pathetic self?

what happens to me when i've grown tired of being depressed and covered in everyone else's shit? what happens to me when those when wallowing in self-pity, angst and my bed doesnt cut it anymore?

i see blood...

i crave for it...

i reach under my pillow for that black cutter my mother gave me... i hear it click as my thumb moved to expose the tip of the blade... i let myself smile as my heart suddenly thundered in excitement...

i lick my lips and pressed the blade on my left wrist... i felt it sting as i pushed it in... blood started to creep out from underneath the metal and i pull the blade slowly across my wrist... i watched in amazement as i saw crimson liquid oozed out of the cut that i made...

i wanted more of that bodily wine so i pressed the tip of the cutter on my skin and slashed myself once more... i hate even numbers so i cut myself again... and since i wasn't a big fan of conformity... i did it so the wound was vertical...

i tilted my head to the side as i looked at what i have done on my wrist... i let out a brief chuckle as i realized that it looked like an incomplete asterisk...

i let go of my cutter and wrapped my right hand around my arm... just below the gash that i made... i squeezed tight and followed the blood with my eyes as it creeped out of my skin and trickled its way to my bedsheets...

i stopped putting pressure on my arm to admire the stain on my bed... it was beautiful... but i think it would be better it there was more and the blood that soiled my sheets weren't mine...

i thought of the people that i want to slowly torture and kill... those bitches and bastards' blood wouldn't just look good on my bed but it would also look nice all over the four walls that made up my room...

i wiped my injured hand on my bed sheets and lied down on it... i sighed as i felt my body go lax and slowly surrender to sleep...

+++

fuuu... i wonder what inspired this one...

midnight interlude

i was born in a world where everything moved as much as it stayed still... i would always find myself surrounded by a group of people hurrying past me... i try to catch up with them... but as soon as i am instep with the group they start walking towards another direction... leaving me behind...

i stop to think... to calm myself down... to breathe... as the world blurs in front of me...

i sit down and watch humanity pass me by... exhausted beyond belief... wanting to give up and just sleep...

i stand up once again to try my luck in being one with them... to make a good number of people proud of me... i masked my negativity with a smile and put a foot in front of me... i struggled to keep up... i succeeded and i managed to keep it that way for quite awhile... i found comfort in being synchronized with the rest... my life settled around me in a routine... i wake and i walk and i sleep and i wake once more...

but the moment i silently willed not to happen has come...

i dreamed of warm, comforting and seeking eyes of deep brown... time stopped as i lost myself in those chocolate pools... i felt the life i have tried so hard to maintain fall apart around me... i moved to catch a falling piece and put it back where it broke off only to be stopped by those intent eyes that seemed to say "...hush and stay..."

i loose myself in those eyes once more and i succumbed to a deep sleep... i woke up with darkness still painted across the sky...

...i woke up alone...

i left my bed and went to stand beside the open window...

outside, the world glowed with a different kind of life... with a different feel... with another taste and sound...

an alien song makes itself known to me... sad... full of regret... hope... love...

it made me ache... it turned the gentle beating in my chest into a throbbing pain... it made me aware of how empty i felt... it opened my eyes to the yearning that i've always had but repressed...

i stayed watching the world outside my window come to life and die as the sun rose... i failed to follow the pattern i have structured for myself...

the sun was up high and i was still by my window... observing... feeling even more drained as i shed tears as the realization that i have been living a hollow life all this time hit me over and over...

the day was dying out when i felt someone looking at me... i tore my eyes away from the view outside to turn towards the one staring at me...

my jaded eyes caught coffee-colored eyes... the man approached me and stood on the other side of the window and looked outside... i watched him drink in the sight of the city presented to him... i was engraving his face to memory when i heard someone softly singing a wonderfully sorrowed song... it was him... he was serenading the dying sun and the rising moon... i reached out to touch his face to see if he was real... he caught my hand and locked my gaze with his...

"why did you stop living?" he asked...

i looked at him, confused... but then i began to understand... i raked my brain for an answer as to why i didn't pursue my lifestyle anymore... i have come up with a thousand replies to that one question... but i couldnt put them into words... so i hung my head low and looked away...

"why? isn't it what you have always wanted? conformity and acceptance? why did you look away from your life?" he pressed as he gently touched my cheek...

"because i wasn't living at all..." i whispered... "it was... it was just dying slowly... bit by bit... day after day..."

"what is it that you want then? why did you call me to you?"

"i want-... i need you to take me away from here and save me from dying..." i said as tears began to stream down the sides of my face...

i look up at him and saw pain dance in his eyes and uncertainty wash his face... silence fell over us like a blanket and then he spoke softly...

"what gave you the idea that i have that kind of capability? where can i possibly take you to live?" he kneeled in front of me and held my arms in his hands...

"what can i possibly do to give you salvation when i myself is in dire need of it...?"

i felt the tears cease as it was replaced by a wave of disbelief, hurt and betrayal...

"why did you come to me then?"

he shook his head and pulled me in a tight embrace and shared,

"because it was the only thing that i could do that felt right..."

he pulled back a little and told me with a kiss...

"i'm sorry..."

*******

i have no other explanation aside from it was how i felt like letting out some of the issues/feelings that have been left to accumulate dust in the attic... it had to be done through a story...

i'm sorry...

i'm sleepy...

but i still have research to do... i'm not progressing much in this crummy task...

who wants to know about steel reinforcement bars for concrete construction anyway? my classmates dont give a fuck!!! >.< damn it...

read the latest segment of love mode... heeheehee... :D *tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot* i cant wait for the next chapters to upload...

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!

geh... i need to get some sleep...

it really does feel good to be back...

hmmm...

kuya gino asked me to make a button for my blog... i ended up making 10 buttons... but i've narrowed the choices down to just two buttons... i'll let kuya g handle which one he'll take...

which one is better?

this one?



or this one?


i had dale choose among these two... he likes the first one the most... hehehe... ***if you can't see the photos just go to my yahoo! photos thing... or maybe i should just grab myself a photobucket account... geh...

i just noticed that the majority of the descha people's blog icons have eyes in them... lol... except for the descha button... it's... ummm... simple... ish...



beeep... beeeeep... beep...

i ran out of things to say...

oh well...

later...

after two hours of thinking... pulling my hair and unintentionally ignoring tenchan's texts and calls...

I GOT MY BLOODY BLOG BACK ON!!!

functioning at 100%

:D

i'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo so so so so satisfied...

again...

if you dislike my layout... BITE MY SORRY ASS!!!

okay... after shit knows how long my internet silence has finally ended! yay for me...

don't get me wrong... mom still hasnt paid the phone bill so i still dont have a working landline at my disposal... but i have rediscovered my appreciation for internet cafes... though the one i'm currently in is noisy... crowded and oozing with gamer's testosterone... it has allowed me to put up the new blog layout i worked on for 24 hours...

i dont think it's great... but it's better than the first one i did try to make... bite my ass if you dont like the layout...

okay... time for a quick recap of what happened yesterday...

i had a crummy day at school... i asked tenchan to go out with me that evening... i met up with him at a place where i should NOT have been... so he got pissed... i got really scared... i couldnt make myself talk even if he was trying to make a conversation... i was silent and kept on looking outside the window of his car like it was my first time to see the streets we were passing by through the whole ride... we ended up in greenbelt and played percussion freaks...

aaah the wonders the arcade can do to us...

i managed to get my tounge working again once i saw the game and i guess that was when we silently decided to make-up... he kicked ass in pf... damn, he's really better than i am now... :P

but that's not the highlight of my evening with him...

i asked him to win another stuffed toy for me from the game where he got me the stuffed tiger... he didnt get the winnie the pooh plushie i had my eye on but he did manage to get me that stuffed toy shaped like a candy from a toy catcher game thing...

he-he-he... i like it when he wins stuff for me... :P

that's the end of yesterday... allow me to start ranting about my day today...

first subject? tropical architecture at 9am till 10:30am... it was okay... nothing much happened... my brain was still offline at that time because i didnt manage to recite at all!

10:30am to 12:00pm building technology... had a quiz... ummm... let's not talk about that shall we?

12:00pm to 1:30pm PHYSICS!!! had a quiz on thermometry and thermal expansion... fun!!! didnt get to answer the last of the four questions though...

1:30 to 3:00pm bloody RIZAL class... my prof constantly asked me to read sections from the book... *shrug* AND asked me to explain this and that... blah blah blah... kicked ass basically... :P truth? through that crummy rizal class along with that dep. of language and social sciences prof who doesnt exactly have good grammar, but he does know the proper way of pronouncing "big" words, i was/am able to get my ability to speak decent english back!

so how am i feeling right now? a tad bit irritated by the noise i'm hearing from the pcs around me... but that is nothing compared to how satisfied and giddy i feel right now...

i missed you blogger!!!

i missed you anonymous... or not so anonymous readers of my humble blog!!!

and i miss tenchan!

ja ne minna-san!!! --- seee??? i REALLY am genki right now...

:D